The Green Hill: Letters to a son with Sophie Pierce
In 2017, former BBC journalist Sophie Pierce’s life changed forever when her 20-year-old son Felix died suddenly and unexpectedly. Thrown into a new world of loss, she had to find a way to keep on living. In a series of letters to her son – composed during walks and swims taken close to his grave on The Green Hill in Devon – Sophie learns how to live in the landscape of sudden loss, navigating the weather and tides of grief. Sophie has since used some of these letters as the basis for her latest book The Green Hill: Letters to a son. In this blog, we learn more about the book and how Sophie’s close relationship with the natural world has played a role in her mourning for Felix.
Words by Lydia Paleschi
We’ve always been fascinated by the connection between the human mind and the natural world, but when we heard former BBC journalist Sophie Pierce’s story we were blown away by her honesty and vulnerability. Having lost her son Felix to Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy (SUDEP) at the tender age of twenty, Sophie sought solace in nature and cold water to help her connect to both her grief and her son.
As an avid cold water swimmer and nature lover, it made sense that Sophie turned to the outdoors during her darkest hour. She tells me,‘in the days after he died I went swimming, silently with friends.’ Since then, it has become ‘a kind of restorative ritual’ for her – a means for her to find connection with Felix. ‘I think it is because when I enter the water it feels as though I am entering another world’, she explains. ‘[It’s] another dimension, perhaps to another world where he might be. Floating in the water, swimming underwater, I undergo a kind of transformation which brings me closer to him… Sometimes, in the water, I feel an almost visceral connection back to his physical presence in my life.’
For Sophie, being outdoors and amongst nature has been just as important as the act of swimming itself. ‘Nature has always been something that has enhanced and enriched my life’, she explains. ‘But since his death it has become part of my grieving process.’ When I asked Sophie what nature means to her, she told me ‘[it] means everything to me… Getting out into wild landscapes, onto the coast or the moor, and into the water, somehow connects me back to him.’
Felix enjoyed reading and later studied film and history of art at the University of Leicester
The Green Hill
As well as swimming and spending time outdoors, Sophie found herself writing letters to Felix in an attempt to make sense of what was happening in her life. These letters – embedded within a beautifully put narrative of her time spent in and being consoled by nature – form the basis for The Green Hill. When I ask Sophie more about her decision to write about both Felix and the natural world in her book, she reveals that it is what came naturally. ‘Writing is my instinctive response to the natural world. I feel the need to try and explore that deeper connection, and for me, writing is the way to do that. Somehow, by writing my experiences and feelings down, I can come to a greater understanding.’
Finding ways to accommodate loss
When I asked Sophie if she thinks cold water swimming could help others mourning the loss of someone, she replies honestly. ‘I wouldn’t necessarily recommend taking to the water for others to process their grief.’ She explains that whilst nature and cold water has provided a space for her to mourn Felix, it’s not necessarily for everyone. ‘Grief is so personal, and so different for everybody. It is about finding what has meaning for you. For me, swimming has helped but it wouldn’t be for everybody’.
Nonetheless, Sophie hopes that whether or not readers have experienced a similar loss, and regardless of their attitudes towards cold water swimming, that they ‘will gain an understanding of the complexity of grief’ from her writing. She hopes to show them that ‘there is still joy in life, amidst the pain [and] that you can find ways to accommodate loss.’
Former BBC Devon journalist, Sophie Pierce. Frankie Mills, Reach PLC.
A parallel motivation for writing The Green Hill was that Sophie ‘wanted some kind of memorial to Felix’. When I ask her how she would like Felix to be remembered, she tells me ‘He was a beautiful, gentle soul, and I hope this comes out in the book.’
To pre-order The Green Hill: Letters to a son you can do so here. The book will be published in spring 2023.
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