Why I Swim: Bethany Allen

Co-Founder of Wild Swimming Cornwall – Bethany Allen

Words by Bethany Allen

When I was little, I could see the ocean from my bedroom window. I would watch the waves crash against the shore and gaze out to sea wondering what lay beyond the impossibly straight horizon line. I counted 20 steps from the end of my drive to the beach and grew up investigating rock pools with my siblings, exploring caves and pretending to be a mermaid. Because of this the ocean has become an ingrained part of my identity, it is where I have always found happiness, particularly in difficult periods of my life.

I discovered this most acutely in 2018 at the age of 22 when one of the most important people in my life became suicidal. At the beginning of the year I was travelling around Europe, but when I heard how bad the situation had become I cut the trip short and came back to the UK. Over the next few months my anxiety levels spiked dramatically. Every time my phone rang I anticipated the news that they would be gone forever. 

Attempting to “put on a brave face” in front of friends and family meant that I wasn’t truly honest about how much it was affecting me on a personal level. I felt scared and alone. I believed that my suffering wasn’t as important; so I suppressed it and tried to continue being the positive person that everyone knew me as. Beneath this carefully curated front, it felt like I was trapped in a spiralling vortex of negativity, from which I had no escape. I tried to be supportive and help but ultimately I could only be there to witness the destruction of depression. I felt utterly incapable and had no control over what was happening. 

The ocean has become an ingrained part of my identity

During this time I started a new job in an advertising company on Cornwall’s south coast. I was writing up to 10 articles a day for various businesses around Cornwall, organising and conducting interviews and liaising with clients over the phone. It was a fast paced, high pressure environment to work in as I had a magazine deadline pretty much every week and a huge amount of writing to execute. To begin with it provided a welcome distraction. I love writing and knew that I wanted to pursue it as a career, but soon the high pressure environment at home and at work began to wear away at me. I decided to try and de-stress in my lunch hour by doing mindfulness meditations and going for long walks along the coast path, but as spring slowly unfurled my eyes turned to the ocean. She was beckoning me with the promise of an hour spent totally immersed in her cool embrace so I answered and began taking my swimming costume and a towel to work. From that point onwards I would spend my lunch hour swimming, occasionally jumping off the harbour wall and diving down by the reef to investigate the rocks and fronds of kelp swaying in the swell. I would always emerge feeling more grounded and calm and during the following months these moments surrounded by water became my solace. It felt so good to have an escape route from the pressure of life on land and enter into this beautiful blue world. 

Thankfully as one of the hottest summers on record hit Cornwall, we began to see the first signs of recovery and I am so unbelievably grateful that I didn’t have to go through the trauma of losing a loved one to suicide. It’s a humbling thought to think that you may lose someone close to you at any moment. Whether it’s a parent, a partner, a friend or a sibling; all we can do is make the most of the time we get to spend with the most important people in our lives. The events of that year made me more conscious of loss, as I couldn’t help but contemplate the possibility of losing someone. A positive to draw from this experience is that it made me begin to truly appreciate that our time on this planet is limited and that we really do need to live each day like it’s our last. 

It feels amazing to have an escape from the pressure of life on land and enter into this beautiful blue world

Two years down the line, 2020 has been an incredibly potent time for mental health problems. The world has been locked down, we have been stuck in our houses and for many, it has given them the time to confront their demons. Sadly, during lockdown my friend and colleague took his own life. The shock threw me back into the turmoil I had already witnessed and when I saw his family and friends surround his grave all I could think about was how much I wished I could have saved him. 

Getting myself to the beach and going in the sea has been a tonic to this turmoil and I feel like it has the power to have this effect on others as well. When I enter the water the cold heightens my senses and brings my mind forward into this present reality surrounded by nature, the weight of land is eradicated and as I float through the blues and greens I know that as long as I have this I will be okay. 

Swimming has saved me, it’s a positive activity that releases endorphins and fills me with a sense of achievement. I want others to experience that too. The sense of community that is swelling around this project fills me with happiness and I am sure that we are onto something special. 

Ultimately, I swim because I know that as long as I have the ocean and the people who share it with me, I will have somewhere to go and people to be with that will help me emerge through anything life throws at me; more refreshed, more confident and more in tune with the incredible beauty of the world around me.

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